Lauretta Onochie: Gazing at the dancing flies
By CHIDI OBINECHE
Ordinarily her personage and job deserve no beam, no limelight. But she has assiduously ravaged the entrails of truculence, scaled the barriers of residual high stakes. Today, she is perceived as a hard nut, who often sets the cyberspace ablaze with her combative ripostes on issues concerning her taciturn principal.
She impresses on you that she is redoubtably the president’s aide on social media and would brook no mess from no one, not even from her gender or professional mates. She is the cold goddess of cyberspace with a protective armoury that rips through hallowed zones and zips through the hides and parks. The other day, she scowled that politicians have gone as far as foreign lands to procure marabouts and pastors to hasten the death of President Muhammadu Buhari. The article entitled “ Buhari and the marabouts” also perched on a few topical issues at the heart of the spiraling virulence in Nigeria.
The fire in her burns with the flaming tongue of blaze. It lacerates wounds and can kill. Her latest tantrum is razing down boulders of malcontent, of incipient denizen ship. She is the bough of the canon, the dazzling field marshal at the doorstep of victory against “ants and cockroaches”. (Apologies to late Dr Tunji Brathwaite). She does not only smear and subdue, she adds to some good effect, the vintage of curse raining on all those who want her man dead. Interesting times indeed! She may not be your night soil woman, but she is ready to dredge the dirt with you and prove to you that flies are the dead man’s revenge. She moans: “They robbed him of victory in three previous elections, and now that he has won, and is in charge, they are recruiting marabouts and soothsayers to pray for his death. They travel as far as Niger and India to recruit evil spiritualists.” And one may add that she has consistently without let trained her eyes on these “evil” men, never letting them off her radar, but hapless when their death wish prayers descend from above and beyond like rain on a parched earth. Frustration can really dismantle the mind, create unseen heresies and trouble the world. Lauretta is not finished yet. On the heels of this rumble came her diatribe on Aisha Yesufu of the Bring Back Our Girls (BBOG) fame. Aisha had committed the unspeakable sacrilege of demanding the resignation of Buhari on account of his protracted illness. What impetus? How dare her speak where ‘where angels fear to tread?’ And she let off her bile on her: “Your childish tantrums and incoherent ranting at President Buhari were totally uncalled for…” And then she hit the score line: “What’s your real reason for wanting President Buhari and Acting President Yemi Osinbajo out of the way? Is there a sinister motive that you are hiding from all of us?”
Hahahaha! She is hanging at the shoreline. She is at her wits end and can bang, slice and snap. She is donning the garb of a seer, a monitoring spirit who sees the awkward movements of politicians and their unholy visitations to “holy” precincts for ungodly prayers. She is the eagle on iroko tree whose penetrating eyes see the awful as well the awesome. She is also the armed gladiator ready and willing to put down scurrilous insurrection of the man- spirit.
She is aged 69. She was a director of the Buhari Support Group, BSG and was one of the social media warriors that worked for the actualization of the Buhari Presidency. She had sometime ago accused some unnamed members of a cabal around Buhari of stalling her appointment because she refused to yield to their demands for sex. She is an alumnus of the University of Calabar, University of Benin and University of Greenwich, UK.